On surrender and acceptance
What does it mean to spiritually ‘let go’? Here are some examples.
Personal development advice can be vague and confusing. It can sound like this:
“Just surrender to what is”
“Accept the present moment”
“Let it go”
What does this advice really mean? What is surrender exactly? And is that different than acceptance?
Here is my take —
Both acceptance and surrender allow you to experience the truth.
And there are some slight differences, of course.
Acceptance is my present-moment reminder that I choose to participate with reality instead of against it.
Surrender sounds to me like “I don’t know what this is exactly, and I do not need to know. I am going to go with it and not fight it.”
Here are my real-life examples to illustrate what I mean…
First, on Acceptance
This summer has been full of some travel. Along the way, I’ve had many bloopers to deal with such as…
…getting stuck in an elevator
…being locked out of the house
...realizing my rental car’s gas gauge is faulty
...Internet failing right before a client call
…foxes dragging our trash all over the front lawn
…being late for nearly every single appointment I have
At each of these moments I could say to myself that this shouldn’t be happening.
If I did, it might sound like this:
“This elevator was just serviced so it shouldn’t be failing. Someone did something wrong!” or
”“I paid too much for this Airbnb to have to deal with this!” or
“The gas light on this car is messed up and now I’m screwed!” or
“They should have noticed the trash was left out and brought it in.”
Any of these thoughts would take me fully into frustration with the situation.
Instead, in those moments I’ve tried my best to sit with thoughts that help me accept the moment.
Those sound like:
“Oh this is happening right now” and
“I feel the frustration in my chest” and
“Right now I am low on gas. I have not run out of gas.” and
“Getting stuck in an elevator stresses people out. And that’s ok.” and
“I will get to my destination when I get to my destination”
These statements are acceptance for me. They help me be fully present with whatever is going on. I can still choose to change my situation and clean up the trash, conduct an elevator rescue, find a gas station, etc.
But the quality with which I do those things is completely different than if I was in resistance and believing it shouldn’t be happening.
Acceptance is a present-moment choice we have. In the here and now, do we want to participate in life as it is or do we want to identify with the mind that believes it should be some other way?
(Tip: The former always feels better!)
Now, on to Surrender.
Two years ago I was offered an amazing position at a tech startup. The success in landing this job was the direct result of the coaching I received.
However once I started the job, I couldn’t let go of my obsession with coaching. I found the field utterly fascinating.
My first moment of surrender came when I let myself lean into this ‘guilty pleasure’ and read personal development books and listen to self-help podcasts.
It might seem small, but I had never allowed myself to do this before. For decades I never indulged because psychology and self-help were not considered intellectual topics where I grew up.
But I finally surrendered to it. I shamelessly dove into the world of personal development.
That brought me to my next moment of surrender when, at the advice of a friend, I decided to take a life coach certification course. I was running out of books to read and my friend was right- the course would go deeper than anything I could read.
This surrendering was a letting go of the belief that I should be devoted to my exec role at a startup and that nothing else should take up my time. I surrendered to the truth- taking the course was what I wanted.
So my coaching course began. I learned, I trained, I practiced, I coached others. I could not deny that I was in love with it.
And then, in my next moment of surrender, I quit my job in the tech industry. I was going to be a life coach for tech entrepreneurs.
A coach for entrepreneurs was a soft landing. It was a slight shift in my identify. I had one foot in the world of coaching, and the other in the tech startup world. I was set.
But then, fast forward nearly a year. It didn’t work. It just didn’t feel right. The love of coaching was still there but the ease in talking about entrepreneurship wasn’t.
Then, my next moment of surrender came when I realized that I was the most excited about everything related to finding one’s life purpose. I am a life purpose coach.
Oof.
This was going to be a leap. This was going to be very big departure from who I thought I was. I didn’t have a model in my mind for how this was going to go.
But it was undeniable.
Surrender is tapping into a universal plan that is beyond me. It feels like something wanting to happen and when I surrender to it, I give up the fight for my own plan and I become an active participant in what is in front of me.
And now that I have been turning off all the ‘shoulds’ of what I am and all the hopes for hitting all the cultural checkboxes, this is what is left: Me. I’ve surrendered to it.
For what have you shown acceptance or to what have you surrendered in your life? Comment or write to me!
I am blessed and privileged to be able to surrender to who I am. It’s not for everyone and it’s not for everyone at all times. If you think it’s for you, and you want to have a no-obligation chat to understand if coaching can help, schedule time with me here.
